The FNC, fears and Insecurities!

Affinity Point is making it's festival premiere this week at the FNC (Festival du Nouveau Cinema de Montreal)! I plan to show up at one of the screenings and I also hope to see at a dozen of other films that are playing in the festival.

The showtimes for the film is October 15th and 16th here in Montreal. For more info: http://www.nouveaucinema.ca/programming_results?search&cid=18

Now...

I'm going to be almost embarrassingly candid about my insecurities and paranoia. Some artists are insecure to the point of total mental breakdown. They question their artistic relevance and creativity. Others are more relaxed and comfortable with their art. I'm surely the former.

You see, I enjoy creating, but sometimes the process is excruciatingly hard. I never think I'm good enough. And when I do, it's years after the fact. I find it strange that some 'artists' aren't tormented like I am. Of course, using the word 'tormented' sounds pretentious, but it's an accurate description of the way I feel. There's NEVER a day that goes by when I don't look in the mirror and think 'you're not good enough'. Being a struggling artist doesn't help either. You sometimes don't get the respect you deserve or NEED. I've never lived off of my art completely. I've never gotten anything handed down to me. All the artistic respect I've gotten was earned to the point of excess. I feel drained most of the time. The frustration makes me a little edgy some days and I have done the cliched 'I get no respect' rant before.

Of course, I'm not original when it comes to artistic struggle. Many artists go through it. I know a lot of them. Some of them even get jealous to the point of disrespecting other fellow artists. (Something I try not to do) Unfortunately, arrogance, insecurity and jealousy surround most artists to some degree. I have all three, but I try to keep them in check. I've gotten better at it over the years, because I've been humbled (and have humbled others) many times. When a fellow artist succeeds in his art, I try to praise him. The only times I've been jealous and arrogant, are the times when I don't respect the artist's work ('Why is he popular and not I?!').

I take my 'art' very seriously because I know that there's a risk of polluting/wasting people's precious time. There's so much bad shit out there that I refuse to be a part of it. If my film/music is bad, it was because I tried my hardest but didn't succeed (in your opinion). You see, I do art for myself, but I feel there's an obligation to entertain whoever is open enough to see/hear it. Sincerity is key. I try to be sincere with everything I do which sometimes is not enough. Which scares me.

For the more 'relaxed' artists, they seem to embrace the whole world and let the universe flow through them. I never understood that. Maybe that's why my favorite artists are usually of the tortured kind. I think the 'tortured' artists tend to use their insecurities as fire. I surely do this. (This is not necessarily healthy, but it makes things interesting most of the time.)

Now, I have new artist insecurities lately:

My film is being shown at the FNC this week. The press will probably attend the screenings. Some will review my film. Many people have loved/praised the film already, but I'm just waiting for the bad reviews cut me down (yes, I'm that cynical). I don't really mind bad reviews if they are respectful and intelligent (constructive criticism), but some tend to aim bellow the belt. This sort of frightens me, for two reasons:

1. Affinity Point is such a personal film that I will feel personally attacked.

2. Affinity Point is an easy target:

- I directed and acted in my first film which can be viewed as egotistical. A vanity project. But in truth, the only reason I gave myself the main role was to make sure that nobody would arrive late or quit halfway during production.

- The budget for the film is ridiculously low. Some might not like the low production value.

- The film is sort of long for a first feature. Again, it could be viewed as egotistical and self-important.

- The acting, sound, image is inconsistent at times.

- The controversial subject matter will turn some people off. (Although, I really do feel I treated the material with maturity and respect)

- My character (and others) is not likable.

Another thing that adds to the stress: Affinity Point is nominated for the Focus award for best Canadian feature. I am honored to be accepted for this award (let alone, being accepted in the FNC) but I can't help but feel like my film is a wedding home movie compared to my competition. Of course, winning an award does not validate your art, but I can't help but feel like an impostor.

Reading this you might think that I've gotten bad reviews before, but you would be mistaken. I've never gotten a bad review in my life. I've also had plenty of great experiences in the past because of my art. It's not all bad. But sometimes I just have to focus on the bad. Which sort of proves how pathetic and hard I am on myself. This is all artist insecurity and fear. I loathe it. But I guess that's what I get for not letting the universe flow through my body.

AFFINITY POINT: What's real, what's not

A lot of people have asked me if Affinity Point was autobiographical. The answer to that question is 'somewhat'. I like movies that have documentary feel to them. I also only write about what I know or/and have experienced. So, yes, Affinity Point does have many 'real life' elements.

Here are some of them:

- A lot of actors are basically playing simplistic or exaggerated versions of themselves.

I'm more outgoing than Jake is, Danielle is not as fucked up as Skylar is, Set is not as sadistic as Carol is, and so on...

For my character, especially, I decided to make him 'flat'- an empty shell- to let the audience focus on what was happening around him. I basically, made him up to be a loser. An anti-hero. Unlikable. Chubby. Awkward. Selfish. It was important that he didn't have anything going for him. Even his guitar playing was bad. This decision was tough, because I didn't feel like playing a loser. But it was the only way to get what I wanted out of the story. Jake was in part, inspired by one of my close friends who let his own adoption destroy his life.

The only two characters that aren't at all like the people who play them, are Jake's half-brother and Simmy.

- Locations, venues and apartments are real.

Places like the Cleo club, Circus after hours club, L'Absinthe, the cafe, apartments, Skylar's dance class and outdoor locations are real. We didn't change a thing when we shot in those locations, so the feel is very authentic.

- Many scenes actually happened in real life.

Almost every scene, except the obvious ones involving the main plot, happened in real life. The most shocking being a certain scene involving a used toilet.

- The extras weren't extras.

We just shot everything without asking permission most of the time. So a lot scenes have a real environment with real people reacting to our characters.

- The Scroll exists.

The band that performs in the film is really my band in real life. We used to wear masks like the ones in the film.

Festival du Nouveau Cinema!

Good news!: Affinity Point will be playing in Montreal's Festival du Nouveau Cinema in October. This will be the film's first festival showing. The dates have yet to be confirmed.

Thank you Roland for letting us use your cinema for free! Thank you Maria and Louis-Eric for helping with the presskits and the driving! And thank you Festival du Nouveau Cinema for accepting the film!

Here's the link for the festival: http://www.nouveaucinema.ca/home

Affinity Point Premiere

Three weeks ago Affinity Point had it's 'premiere' (I'd rather call it 'the first public showing') at Montreal's famous Cinema Duparc.

During the night, I was very nervous- I hate watching myself on screen.

I tried to make a speech before the movie started, but I chickened out for a few reasons:

1- I didn't have a planned speech,

2- I didn't want to ruin the mood of the movie (getting everyone laughing and excited before a fairly serious movie isn't the most intelligent thing to do)

3- Mike, my partner in crime, wasn't there. (he showed up late)

So basically half of my speech was me jokingly playing with the microphone ("Is this thing on? Check! Check! CHECK!") and then saying something like:

"Thank you all for being here! The film cost 680$. Sometimes it shows, but that's what I like about it. Enjoy!"

The worst speech ever, I know. But I didn't know what to say! But I'll be ready next time, you'll see! hehe.

Sooooo how did the night go? Well, it went great! A lot of people showed up. Even most of the cast.

When the movie started, I sat down next to a friend in the last row in the back and tried to watch without getting too nervous. Three people in the row in front of me were obviously drunk, so they were very talkative and somewhat critical (positive and negative). This would of normally pissed me off, as I hate people who talk during movies, but I wanted to hear what these people had to say about my 'oeuvre'.

At first, I could tell that they were ready to dismiss the movie even before it started. But I soon noticed they started to get into it as the movie progressed and by the movie's 2/3 mark they were hooked- which led me to a fortunate conclusion when I observed the audience: Affinity Point plays the audience like a piano. And I mean that in a good way- the people laughed when they were supposed to, and they cried when they were suppose to. I'm so surprised that the film is as effective as it is. The audience reaction was perfect!

Of course, there could of been people in the audience who didn't like the movie, but I didn't sense that at all. Everyone seemed pleasantly surprised about how good the movie was. Even Roland, the manager of Duparc, complimented me on the beauty of the picture. (He was especially impressed with the cinematography and the music) He seemed sincerely impressed and excited, which is a great compliment considering he's been going to Cannes every year for the last 30 years.

It was a great night, and I hope more audiences will connect with it like that in the future!

Here's some interviews with the cast and crew at the premiere:

PART 1

PART 2

Affinity Point done!

So, I finally decided to post on this blog. I was suppose to start posting when production of the film started. But I realized how time consuming updating a blog would of been, so I just put this idea on hold until... NOW!

A lot has happened in the 2 and a half years it took to complete this movie. It basically took a year to finish the film and another year and a half to 'fix' it. Affinity Point was my (our) first film, so it was a huge learning process on how to do things right. So, a lot of re-shoots and re-edits were done to get where the movie is now (in it's 10th cut!). But now I am pleased to say that Affinity Point IS what I hoped it would be.

Here are the websites for the film:

www.affinitypointfilm.com

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=30168239992&ref=ts